WHY COUNSELING?
I have spent time counseling many different people in different socioeconomic statuses. Individuals who have varying cultural beliefs and needs. I have counseled individuals and families who are wholeheartedly involved in the process and see varying degrees of positive results, and I’ve worked with others who are on the opposite end of that spectrum. Your attitude about the counseling process does affect your outcome.
So what is counseling?
1. Counseling is a process of give and take. You give of your deepest worries, regrets, beliefs, struggles, fears, problems…. When you give of these things seeking relief, what you get back is support and understanding, empathy, compassion. Counselors aren’t there to do the work for you though. We aren’t there to give you advice and tell you how to handle each issue that you are dealing with. Counselors are there to support you through the process of finding your way of resolving the conflicts you face in a healthy manner. I find the majority of people know the answer, they are just too afraid or lack the skills to change their circumstances or patterns. Yes, even children and teenagers often know how to resolve things in their own way, they just need someone to back them up. When you approach counseling in this way, you get a sense of peace and understanding of your inner self.
2. Sometimes it just helps to have someone on the outside looking in. When you’ve tried over and over again to solve a situation with no success, it’s helpful to speak with someone who can be objective. Someone who does not know you or your family/friends personally. When we talk to family members or good friends about our problems, they have a personal agenda already…that’s YOU or themselves. They are there to protect you or themselves. A counselor doesn’t gain from your problems in any way other than seeing you successfully find solutions. We aren’t there to judge your actions, degrade your decisions, or jump on the bandwagon of tearing down someone who has wronged you. We are there to listen….just listen…and allow you to process what is happening in your life and focus on solutions to change what you are unhappy about. I once had a teen who said to me matter of factly “Everyone needs counseling!” She was not worried about others knowing she saw a counselor. As a matter of fact, I think she was proud of herself for her work and dedication to change.
Why Should You Seek Counseling?
1. The stress in your life is beginning to affect your ability to make good decisions. It’s affecting your family…there is tension in the home around you. Everyone is walking on eggshells per say. Your family is acting out due to your stress…children are more clingy/aggressive, parents are arguing over the child’s behavior, one parent is siding with the child while the other is struggling to connect, there is high conflict in the home. Your work ethic is disintegrating due to burnout, fatigue, lack of motivation because you have so many other stressors pushing you down, or maybe your home life is disintegrating because the only relief you find is at work.
2. You or your child is engaging in self destructive behavior through the use of drugs/alcohol, sexual behavior, aggression, or self-harm.
3. No one seems to understand what you are going through, and you feel alone and lost. You worry that your life will always be this way. You find little meaning or direction in your life.
4. Your child/teen’s behavior has suddenly changed. Grades are dropping, they are no longer interested in sports or activities they used to love. They can’t maintain their attention in school. Maybe they are acting out behaviorally at school. They have few to no friends.
5. You are experiencing suicidal thoughts. If this is the case, please contact your local crisis line. Seek help immediately. There are several hotlines that you can call and just talk to someone.
1-800-273-TALK (8255),
National Hopeline Network
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline
630-482-9696 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.spsamerica.org
There are many reasons to seek counseling. It’s never too late to seek help, and it’s never too early. I would encourage you to take the step if it’s something you’ve been contemplating. Don’t wait until life spirals out of your control and you lose relationships that are most valuable to you. If you feel your child may need counseling, seek someone when you begin contemplating this. Often times parents worry their teen or child will not talk to a counselor because they don’t talk to them, but if you find the right counselor they will open up about what is going on in their life. I find teens are often relieved to finally have someone to listen to them and not lecture them about their poor choices. They are often the quickest to talk in my experience.
You will never regret seeking help, but you may regret never asking for help.
3-2-1 APPROACH TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR ANXIETY
I woke up this morning feeling not so great. My jaw and shoulders are tense. I have a tingly sensation in my body. I sit and think what is wrong with me? Then I remember the bad dream I have and the people who are in it. I’m experiencing anxiety at this moment. I tell myself “I’m really anxious”. So I work through ways to decrease my anxiety.
Yes! I suffer from anxiety just like many other people do. I’m hear to share with you ways to overcome your anxiety. I teach adults and younger people many different techniques to manage their anxiety.
Here is my 3-2-1 Approach to Take Control of Anxiety3 Ways you need to Assess your body:
1. Know the signs your body is sharing. What do you physically feel like? For me it’s muscle tension from my head down. Sometimes I have headaches and shoulder pain from it. Many people have stomach issues, trembling, dizziness even. Get to know your body when you feel anxious, angry, sadness. It’s not just an emotional feeling, it affects you physically too.
2. Find the trigger. What is causing you to feel this way? For me, it was the after-effects of a bad dream I had . I didn’t even remember I had the dream until I sat and thought about why I was feeling anxious.
3. Manage those thoughts in your mind. Don’t let the trigger consume you. Tell yourself for instance, “It was a bad dream. Everything is fine.” For me, my bad dream is a piece of my past that I know cannot happen again. And because it was a dream, it was more intense than my past experience.
2 Techniques to Fight the Anxiety:
1. Deep Breathing: Take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. When I teach people this skill, I use a balloon so they can visualize their stomach as the balloon. When you take in breath, the balloon expands, then you slowly let it out as if air is seeping out of the balloon.
Inhale: Exhale:
2. Mindfulness: Another technique I often love to use for myself is mindfulness. Today I did this while sitting at my desk.
Take a Deep Breath and Do These 5 Easy Steps:
5 Things I see (my messy desk : ), the light shining bright, books stacked up, a picture my kids made, my dusty blinds.
4 Things I hear…
3 Things I feel (the cold desk against my arms, my legs touching together crossed, the feel of the floor on my bare feet.)
2 things I smell (coffee brewing, the smell of my house)
1 thing I taste
Practice this technique. as you get closer to 1 it gets a little more difficult to hone in on those senses. I love to teach this technique. It is very effective in bringing you to the present. It will relax your body the more you are able to focus on just those senses and divert your attention to what is surrounding you. The here and now….
So, as I completed this exercise, I thought this would be a good thing to share with you. To let you know there are ways to overcome your anxiety, and yes, I too suffer from it at times.