Why I Care About You...
What you don’t know about me is that I became a therapist because of my own early experiences of being in a therapy room with a therapist who did not have the skills to connect with me and did not understand how much I needed to share my story.
I remember sitting quietly, being filled with fear, knowing this therapist did not get ME. Neither did they seem to understand how terrified I was to talk.
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I remember this person sitting at their brown desk, placed between us like a wall, writing notes while I sat there on the other side completely unable to speak. The story it seemed this person was telling himself was that I was just another teenager who was being defiant and refusing to talk.
My parents were just outside the door. The very parents who were the cause of my being in that seat. The very parents who refused to tell the story that was evolving in our family.
I was a “problem”.
Because of these multiple experiences of not getting my needs met by therapists and needing so desperately for someone to see the truth, I focused on becoming the type of therapist I needed and continued to search for.
I continue to hear so many stories just like mine from clients who sit in my office on that first day and share with me how hard it has been to find someone to truly help them.
This work is more than a job to me. It is a passion to provide services that will give healing to individuals and families. A passion to help parents learn more effective ways to relate and build connections with their children, even during the hard moments. A passion to support children, teens, and adults in changing the narrative of their story so they are able to live a happier, more successful life.
I want to hear what your journey has looked like in seeking the right therapist.
Dayna
Avoidance Causes You To Miss Out!
Do you ever avoid situations or people because it’s too stressful or painful to be in that experience?
Avoidance is a natural human defense mechanism, but sometimes it can be detrimental to our own growth and happiness.
Today, I was walking through our freshly cut hay-field to get a message to my husband and father-in-law. While talking to a family friend who was present, I said “I love the smell of fresh cut hay, but it does not love me.” I knew for even the maybe 5 minutes I was standing there, I was going to have some discomfort. As I walked away, I noticed itching in my legs. Then while driving away, I could feel a little discomfort in my breathing.
You see, I am a very allergic person. But I live in the country where I am exposed to all things I am allergic too. Now, I could move (but I’m pretty sure I’d have to leave my husband behind), but staying here is more beneficial to me than avoiding.
Not to mention how BEAUTIFUL it is where I live!
So what is an allergic country girl to do?
Be Aware…
If you know situations cause you discomfort (maybe it’s not an allergy but more depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, panic), be aware of those triggers. I am aware of what triggers my allergies and am prepared for the consequences of being around them.
Find the Win…
For me, I was able to see God’s beauty in this hayfield. I took a beautiful picture of it. Being outdoors is so inspiring and calming to me. It’s worth it to have the experience!
Have a Plan…
So let’s say you are going to be around family that triggers your depression or anxiety… If it’s not an unhealthy relationship, and you want a connection with that person, then have a plan of how you will combat the negative reactions your body will likely experience.
- Know your limits and have a plan of escape.
When I am around certain people from my past who tend to cause difficulty for me, I make sure I visit them instead of them visiting me. This way I can leave when I’m ready instead of having them in my home wishing they would leave already and not wanting to ask them to leave.
If your reaction is anxiety or panic, make sure you have a go-to method for calming your body and mind.
Sometimes avoidance is good when it’s too overwhelming for you to manage. But just remember, avoidance can become a very unhealthy way to cope, and you will miss out on some great life experiences and connections.
Need some assistance in creating your plan?
Click Here to Download a Free Worksheet!
Then, comment below and share with me how avoidance affects your life!
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Dayna Sykes
Licensed Child & Teen Therapist
Gordonsville Counseling & Play Therapy
P.S. If you have a teen girl who struggles with avoidance and you’ve tried everything to help her break out of this, then Empowering Teen Girls Group may be just what she needs to build her confidence, boost her ability to cope with difficult situations, and learn to connect with others in the process.
P.P.S Do you tend to walk on eggshells around your teen and avoid her throughout the day? Every effort you make causes her to lash out and become angry. Sign up for my free email course, “Learn to Connect Better with Your Teen”, and get 5 days of action steps you can take to better support and connect with your teen. Just Click Here!