I haven’t dropped in for a while! Please forgive me. I’ve been working on too many things. Today I was reflecting on a theme that came up last week in my practice and had some inspiration to hop on here and share with you.
Sometimes I get questioned about what a particular word means…
A lot of time it has a negative meaning…
Children and teens often know it’s negative because of the tone of voice or because of the owner of those words that are spewed. But it’s not until they ask what it means that they truly feel the effects of that nastiness.
This happened recently in my practice.
We teach our children not to name call. “Don’t be a bully!” “Don’t call people names because it’s not nice.” “Try to be the bigger person”, we tell them.
………..BUT WHAT IF YOU ARE THE ONE DOING THE NAME-CALLING……………
Let that sink in a second……………………..
What if YOU (the one telling your child not to name call) are the one name calling?
And I’m not even talking about calling people names when you don’t like that person.
Nope! I’m talking about calling your child a negative name.
“You are lazy!”
“You are so dumb!”
“You are hateful and mean!”
“You are vindictive and spiteful!”
“You are such a loser!”
“You are annoying!”
“You are so ugly!”
Need I go on???
Friends, we cannot fill our children with these negative labels!!! Yes your child may act lazy some days, but don’t we all feel lazy sometimes? If I was labeled as Lazy because some days I don’t feel like or want to do things, I would never do anything because well “I’m Lazy, so who cares anyway?”. Self-fulfilled prophecy guys! If you don’t know what that means, google it!
Our children and teens already carry so much weight on their little shoulders and hear so many negative things at school, on the playground, on Netflix, Youtube….. Let us not fill their minds with negativity that comes from our mouths! We are supposed to build our babies up, not tear them down!
So what if this touches your heart, but you’ve already done some damage by name-calling?
Put on your big girl/boy panties and apologize to that child!
Tell them mommy/daddy is sorry for saying those things and ask them to forgive you. Tell them that some days you feel frustrated, but it’s not their fault. Let them know you love them and you are going to work on how you talk to them when you feel a certain _______ (angry, frustrated, irritable).
Build that child up! Fill them with positive labels and help them overcome those times when you want to throw out a negative name for them. Take responsibility as their parent to build up their character flaws (just like you do for your own flaws) and stop name-calling and putting them down.
Name calling is bad parenting. But it’s not the end all for you or your child. Just regroup and fix it. We all make mistakes in our parenting. What we do with that mistake to grow as a parent is what is important.
If you feel you have really messed up, reach out. I can give you some tips on what to say.
Leave a comment below or email me if you are too embarrassed to say it here.
Use this information to make your week great!
Talk to you soon!